There were many days as a woman, as a mother, as everything I was to everyone in this world, I simply did not think I was going to make it. I can admit, I thought the insurance money would be worth more to my son then my presence. When we are in our storms nothing makes sense. We spend most of the time ducking and dodging debris. We spend our days waiting for the next blow. I knew in my heart God was not punishing me. I am far from perfect, but I know I have always tried my best to do right by and for others. In the midst of a snotty, tear filled cry I heard it clear as day. "Stay the mission, God's engineering!" Most days I felt crazy anyway. Managing meltdowns and crisis alone will do that. Thankfully I wasn't always alone. Roman and I layed on the floor. Another chair smashed. Glass was everywhere. That day I found my mantra, or maybe it found me. Whenever it got dark, I was tired or simply could not see my way out, I said it. "Stay the mission, God's engineering!" When people asked what I needed, I would tell them to text the phrase to me, send it on FB and IG. My sister would call and tell me in the morning. I believed it with my entire heart. When I was chosen for SIL through Johns Hopkins I met people that had their own missions. People with hearts so big that they had room to believe in my mission. God truly is engineering. All the dots are connecting and I can never forget my why. This prize is the continuation of our mission. I am grateful to those that continue to support and believe in it.